I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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