just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
COCAINE IS GR8
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
