the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
