Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
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