I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
