I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
