You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
