He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
