At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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