There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
smell my finger.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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