Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
