whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I have fence marks all over my body
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize