You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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