go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
