Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
