Whod you bang
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
