So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize