i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
