I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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