I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
