i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
