I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
