$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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