There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize