does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The struggles of a small town man whore
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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