I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
