Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
