Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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