Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
It was confusing and full of hummus
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
