I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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