i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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