Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
