Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
