Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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