There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
