Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
