you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
