My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
