omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
oh god the rape fog is back!
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
