after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
