where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
