I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
