Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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