Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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