She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
