and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
