That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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