I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
