ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
