Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
