Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
