Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
