I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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