What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
