capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
