Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
