How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize