remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
