Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
