totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
