She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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