My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
