my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize