dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
love makes seman taste better
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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