We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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