no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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