If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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