My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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