Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
