I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
