I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
