Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
