if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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