HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
