Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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