so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
