So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
