im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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