her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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