He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Randomize
