All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
third nipple confirmed
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
