I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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