We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Randomize
