It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
