isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
