I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
