If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
