I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
farters have to be the big spoon...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
