So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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