haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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