Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
