My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
