If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize