I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
