He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
