Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
