Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
