Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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