How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Randomize
