After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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