Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
