The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
