I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
false alarm, still single
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
