I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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