Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
