Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
this hospital has no fireball
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
