We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
