my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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